Does your marriage need a reset? Read our tips on how to bring back that special spark.
Our marriages and intimate partners are among the most significant relationships in our life, yet we often enter into these lifelong partnerships without any guidance or assistance.
We train at the gym, get life coaching, career counseling and mental health support yet when it comes to our relationships we leave them completely to chance, battling along by ourselves hoping for the best and often subconsciously basing our relationships on examples we have grown up with.
With separation rates high and unfulfilled marriage being one of the number one complaints in coupled adults, it might be time to reset our marriages and develop new skills to help us stay together and celebrate the person we have chosen to spend our precious life with. Here are some tips to help reset your marriage.
Communication is critical, work out the things that make you argue the most as a couple and write them down. Sit down together and work through each of your issues and try come to a compromise on how you will manage them ongoing. Both partners need to be able to learn to give some concessions so that you can both move forward and eliminate the waste of time and energy that ongoing arguments brings to your marriage.
2. Take a break, together
A holiday is always a good idea, not least for the fact it takes us out of our comfort zone and exposes us to new things. A vacation or mini-break is a chance to get away from the domestic day to day and spend quality time with your partner away from the usual stresses in life. Even a weekend away or overnight trip can help us to reset and find a newfound appreciation for each other. Make sure you leave the kids, the pets and the parents behind and really focus on each other.
3. Get out of your routine
Routines are useful, they help us know how we are spending our days and keep us on track. With children and families they are particularly important to ensure the household runs like clockwork. However, you can have too much of a good thing, and this goes for our daily routines too. In a busy house it can feel like you and your partner are moving from one task to another while barely acknowledging each other.
Break up the routine once or twice a week and grab takeout on a night you would usually cook, enjoy a glass of wine together on a weeknight or set the alarm early and head out for a long walk together before the day gets started. Enjoy a shower or bath together and try to reconnect intimately outside of your normal routine.
4. Stop taking each other for granted
This is easier said than done but your partner shouldn’t be your ‘everything’ all of the time, we expect significant others to be life counsellors, lovers, parents, cleaners, cooks and teachers. We have expectations of the domestic activities our partners will do and rarely use the same kind of thank you or gratitude we would reserve for a paid service giver.
Try adding thank you back into your vocabulary to recognise your partner’s contributions or occasionally give your partner a gift – pick flowers from the garden, buy them a copy of a book you know they want to read or download their favourite series ready for them to watch when they get home. Little acts of gratitude can go a long way.
5. Bring back the mystery
Familiarity breeds contempt and in a long term marriage it can feel that there nothing that is a mystery about your partner. Try bringing the mystery back by sharing something from your past that your partner may not know, or share your dreams about things in your life you want to achieve that your partner may not know about. Keeping some of the more mundane grooming activities to yourself can also help (do we really need to see our partners clip their toenails?!).
ele Tip – a quick poll around the ele office that partners who don’t go to the toilet in front of one another have a far greater chance of sticking together 🙂
6. Take care of your health
When you feel healthy and well you are far more likely to be able to give the best of yourself to your other half. Take care of yourself first and foremost, prioritise your sleep, your health, and mental wellbeing. When we are in ill health we can’t fully focus on anything other than ourselves, let alone another person, so it is crucial to look after our own health first.
7. Set joint goals
Sit down have a really good discussion about the future, about your desires and dreams and plans for your life together. Once you have determined what matters to you both you can hit reset and start planning joint goals together. Celebrate when you achieve something as a couple and revisit your plan every six months to keep it relevant and on track.
With a little bit of work and patience we can reset our marriage and keep love on track for the next phase of our relationships.
Want more? Click here for How to Keep a Long Distance Relationship Alive and here for an Online Dating Platform with a Real Life Connection.